They ain't heavy - they are my sons!

"Ayah, ayah dah tak kerja sana lagi ka? Bukan ayah dah over age ka nak cari kerja baru?"

Along was concerned that I may not get an interview due to my age.Afterall, most of job advertisements that he has seen in Malaysia stipulate an age limit of not more than 35.

I smiled at his concern, and LiL had a good laugh.

"So, kita nak balek Malaysia ka ayah? Sekolah macam mana?"

Amirul who is sitting for his O-Level next year seemingly concern. I can understand his concern - after all he has not done more than 6 months in a Malaysian school system. He will struggle with BM lessons and exams.

Haziq is cool, and his apparent concern for now is about leaving his friends. For the last two nights he has been spending time at different friends house - in group. One is from Korea, the other from Saudi and one from New Zealand.

So far he has managed to collect more than SAR500 selling toys belonging to Luqman and himself. He has been clearing the toys in preparation for the move.

Zeti from Dublin sent an sms, "Ayah ok ka?"
We had a phone chat. She said she was having flue, but I think she has just cried.
I assured her we will be ok. And that she has no reason to worry. I will be able to fund her studies to completion - and that is a commitment.

Fariz who is currently in Jeddah for his University semester break was helping LiL packing some of the old stuff/ clothes away; sorting into bins of 'to throw', 'to give away' and 'to bring'.
I overheard him asking his mom, "Mak ok ka?"
So nice of him. While most people was showing concern for me, he was showing his care for LiL's feeling. Thanks Fariz...that was nice.

Luqman is excited that we are moving - anywhere. He wants a change without really understanding why. For some reason he thinks we are moving to London. Perhaps he has overheard my discussion on preferred locations with LiL. But, what I really think is he wants to express his support for us in making decision if we need to move. He does not want me to worry about how he feels.

My close friends from the office here in Jeddah are helping to introduce me to a few local businessmen - local Sheikhs. I am exploring opportunitites, not easy but try I must. None materialize as yet. One reason is my inability to converse in Arabic. The other is my high expectation on remuneration - at this point in time I am not ready to compromise on my package.

The company has offered me a few options - one is to join the board of the Ghana business. I declined after discussing with LiL and the children. The education system there is not as advanced as what we have been used to and the security is in question.
Another options offered was to take up a posting in Rotterdam - the job is not of board position but the responsibility is huge; joining a team which manage 14 European countries and a business of Euro 1 bil. I declined, mainly due high income tax rate of the country and the perceived lower status ofthe position compared to what I am having now * at least until end June*.

Just this morning - an option to move to Singapore came up. I am in discussion about this option. Singapore afterall is close to home, and the family and I enjoyed the three odd years we were there the last time. There are downsides too - which is why I need to think it over.
The plus side is that I will have a job and that there will be continuity for my children's education.

The above options, are great booster to my self-esteem, in that I am not discarded like a useless piece of furniture. The company is great in that sense, and I am grateful. I was reminded that the reason why I need to move from my current position is that my time is up - I have been here for four years.
That is true. My contract was for three to four years.

In fact, in all of my career, I have not done any one job for more than four years. I progressed fast. I reached a Directorship position and joined the first board at age 36. That seemed a long time ago, but I was so very proud of my achievement then, being the youngest board member. Both LiL and I were successful in our career. She a senior manager with a local conglomorate and I a director with a Multinational company.

Then we moved to Singapore when I was promoted to a Regional job - looking after the Asia region with a total of 17 countries. LiL took voluntary separation at that time to enable her to follow me to Singapore. A sacrifice on her part. Thanks sayang!
We lived for three-and-half wonderful year in Singapore.

So, to have spent four years in this job in the Middle East has been as long as I have been on any job. Why do I feel sad and unprepared this time? The answer I think is because unlike previous moves, this time I did not initiate it. I love living in Saudi and love my job more than I ever felt in the past.

"Ayah, what if you can't get a job?"
Amirul asked while we were swimming this evening.

I did not answer him. But I smiled and challenged him to a race. He was winning, but he slowed down and let me win. He is a son who does not want to see his dad beaten! Not just yet....

Nak tau ka?

"Kenapa abg id dah lama tak update blog? Ada apa2 ka yang tak kena?"
Tanya seorang teman di Yahoo Messenger.

I could not tell her the full truth - as I was still reeling from a shock and still nursing my own broken heart.
I have been and still is in dismay over a relationship that did not go as well as I was hoping and wishing for.

For the last one week, I have been praying for a better beginning and to be able to overcome the despair due to this abrupt ending.
After more than a decade together, I have grown fond and attached. To be told that I am no longer needed - was a pain of betrayal and hurt beyond my ability to see it rationally. I was emotional. Compounding the emotion is the fact that there are my loved ones involved. The thought that my children's dreams may be compromised due this broken relationship made it harder to swallow. I went through self-dialogues of why?, why me? what did I do? Why did I not see it coming?
I could not help but to reflect over what must be going through other people whose relationship are under-going a stormy patch. And I took myself to the few occassions when I was listening to friends who were seeking my advice.
Then the voices echo in my ears......they were my own voices!

I got up from my self-pity slumber and drew open the curtain of suite 842 of the Kempinski hotel - a majestic view of Burj AL Arab in the horizon reminding of strength and beauty at the same time. The busy Sheikh Zayed road below with cars whizzing by at the wee hour of the morning perked me with new optimism. I switched off the light. The contrast of the darkness within and the buzz of life on the outside - provided me with a similar situation to reflect on. Inside my heart was dark with despair and sadness while out there life is for te taking.

I shrugged off the heavy loads from my shoulder and wiped the remaining solitary tear from my cheek.
I went to the full mirror on the living room wall and looked at my self. I was looking for the sparkle of optimism which have known no fear in the past. It was still there. They were still the same eyes which were able to see silver lining in every cloud.
I felt new supply of oxygen rushing through my blood streams.
My heart was beating not with fear and anxiety but with new hope and determination to take control of my life.
I felt bigger and stronger and in that brief moment I really felt like I could fly.
I bounced back last night!

I learnt one thing - It is easier to reshape and build a new dream then to mend a broken one. Write it off and let it go!

Loses of any kind is disturbing. This time, the only thing I have lost is a job. I still have my family, my friends, and most of all - my dignity.

And a prayer sent to me by a friend from blog-land was so touching and sincere - I could only see the Angels answering with their Ameeeen......and a great beginning is on its way. It was a private prayer sent in private so I could not share publicly. InsyaAllah....

Women Rule

Women Rule!

I give up. I throw my white towel. Surrender is the word! I am starting a journey to understand women.....I shall return so please don't give up on me, as yet!

My latest reading reveals some disturbing information. At the same time, it is information which, if seen with a glass half full eyes, offers great opportunity for the more creative amongst men.

No matter how many times I review the research data, it continues to show the same conclusion.
1. 20% of working wives earn more than their husbands
2. 94% of choices for home furnishing are made by women
3. 92% of holiday destinations are decided by women
4. 89% of new bank account are at the suggestion of women
5. 88% of medical insurance are at the prompt of women
6. 65% of car buying decision are made by women, despite only 7 % of car sales person being women.

*data source – Australian research.

What is even more surprising, women buy more sports shoes and general sports wear than men. The sports-bra was first invented in 1977 with the first year sales of 25,000 units. But by year 1996, the sales were 42 million units. I wonder what the sales turnover is today. Almost every woman who jogs or walks or indulge in any sports will have at least a pair. And have you met any woman who has not expressed an intention of doing some form of exercise? The purchasing power in the hands of women, either for vanity, sanity, stupidity or for vitality – the largest economy on earth!

What can be disturbing to men are findings from further research which confirms that women are smarter than men, and women are better managers too.
Just look at Malaysian Universities, female students form more than half of the students enrolled. Deans list are dominantly females. Those who qualify on merit to pursue further studies at Doctorate level are mainly women. Imagine again all these women graduating and earning big bucks – more purchasing power in the future.

Women rules! And this is an opportunity ......
A man who understands the big differences between Men and Women and seize the opportunity to win a woman’s heart in spending her money on a product can really strike gold!

Men focus on separation - getting away from family, authority, whatever. Women focus on connection. Men focus on self, while women focus on others. Men focus on rights, and respect for others rights - women on responsibilities. Men want a transaction to take place - while women are more interested in creating a relationship. Men watch an olympic to see who the winners are - while women will want to know about the winners, how they got there and what their lives are like.

If I want to venture into business of my own – I will go into a business which focuses on women as my customers. I will love and serve them all!
If I can come up with another sports-bra like innovation……I will be a millionaire!
*Idea…idea….idea…..scratching my head*

I need big ideas! I need to understand women more!

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"iF people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done"
- Ludwig Wittgenstein.

I am out searching for more silly things to do....

a special prayer from LiL and myself for this lady.

Pause to Reflect,"You have none honey!"

A mysterious, ambitious, dotting mom and loving wife and an ever so dedicated owner of a cafe of fascinating writings and a home to a wonderful family tagged me to disclose my habits which annoy my dearest wife LiL.
She teasingly allured me with the words she used to describe me as the ' romantic Mr idham'.

I have chosen not to ask LiL for what her views were. I knew her too well and could not risk listening to her honesty - I prefered to keep my sanity and my self-esteem this time. She may have decided to go on a roll, and I would have to write a long entry indeed. Or she may have decided to be polite and kind especially knowing very well that I was undergoing some delicate period - in which case, I would came across almost too perfect to be true. I am far from perfect. An example of a perfect gentleman can be found in the form of this uncle who serenades the ladies with his fancy cars and exotic fantasies. Wow this uncle is wooing most of the ladies to his harem. hehehehe.

Now back to the present, to the subject of my flaws - my habits which annoy my dearest wife. Of course there are many, and they have changed over the years of our two decades of marriage. In the early years, my constant nudging and tickling at bed time annoyed her. Now after two decades, my lack of such interest and my preference to caress a computer keyboard instead seems to have the same effect. "It is so annoying when you seemed to be stuck to the computer chair", she once told me! So I stopped spending too much time on the computer and re-focus to tickling her ribs instead. "Stop it darling - not tonight lah......!".
But that is my point, that habits can be modified to suit who, what, when and where. If only we communicate our expectations clearly, diplomatically and emphatically.

When I stopped smoking one and half year ago, I became a habitual snacker. I snack five minutes before meals and I snack in between courses during dinner. Munch...munch..munch....I just need to nibble something! It was annoying to everyone, including myself. I snacked on raw vegetables which LiL was preparing to cook and I snacked on nuts, crackers and sweets. Then I went to a course on 'living with vitality' and re-organize my eating, exercising and resting habits. Nowadays whenever I am in Jeddah, LiL would send home cooked lunch to my office or whenever I am lucky, I sneak home for a quickie lunch. Hehehehe - not an instant noodle lunch okey!

Everyone has habits which others find annoying or unpleasant. One secret to a wonderful, blissful marriage is to be able to accept and rejoice in his or her individuality. The fact that I stand up everytime she gets up from her chair in a restaurent is a habit she loves. By the same token, the fact that I am so forgetful with my things such as car keys, sun-glasses and always ask her for help to find is a habit which would annoy most but which endears me to her and her to me. It is given that we could not choose our parents or our children, and we love them all for better or for worse. Spouses? We chose who we wanted as our beloved 'till death do us part' life's partner - so, it only seems logically that we choose to accept and enjoy each other for better or for worse too.

It is in this spirit I would like to believe what really happened when the-dotting-mom-and-loving-wife's hubby replied to her enquiry about her annoying habits, and he replied (most adoringly), "you have none, honey..", he has accepted his beloved wife as she is. And guess what, we men are capable of doing that. Hehehehe, yes - better believe this one!

Mid way through writing this I decided against my intuition, and I asked LiL if she has been annoyed by any of my habits. She laughed, then she hugged me and then she returned a question, "Abang nak tea ka?".
So, I asked her, " Eh why pulak tanya I nak tea or not?"
She replied, with a smile even sweeter than before, " Ye la...tetiba tanya tu macam nak bodek jer tu.....".
I accepted the offer for tea.
She stood behind my chair, massaging my shoulder while I completed this entry, in between typing I sipped the tea she has just made. Love is accepting what you can't change - and she knew it is hard to change my interest towards blogging for now. She has also seen how I fizzled out of a hobby such as this .....so time will come!

"Life can be a bed of rosses - if we focus on enjoying the flowers and learn to accept thorns as part of the beauty." - original quote from Mr Idham.

In closing I want to thank D for the tag. I hope I met her expectation. I open an invitation for anyone keen on disclosing their annoying habits - your participation will be applauded by D, I and others. Hey, life is so short la.....why so serious one! * I was smiling as I was typing this entry, are you smiling while reading?*

Life's Lessons

Pre-amble

A maze owner, A lady with curve, A faraway doctor, and yours truly got together on Yahoo Messenger conference and brought new meaning to the term - Happy hour. We finally agreed on a blog challenge – All three to write about a common topic of “Life’s Lessons” and to be posted on Thursday May 17th, before mid-night.

My school of Life’s lessons

Most of my life’s lessons were learnt in schools of hard-knock. Throughout life, I have accumulated as many scars on my body and heart as have been the acquisition of wisdom and lessons.
Schools of hard-knock spin out lessons blow after blow, one heart break after another, quick succession of betrayal and disappointment and not to mention countless time of falling and faltering.
One learns as much as one wish to learn. The teacher is no one else but one’s own Attitude, Mind, and Behavior.


Lessons from Failures.
“No Pain No Gain” – I learnt quite early in life that there is no short cut to success. As a student I didn’t get full pass for my A-Levels. The sudden freedom of living in the UK and exposure to the Western culture got the better of me. I skipped studying in favor of leisure and pleasure.
My best lessons in life seemed to always have followed my failures. One trick is to be able to understand the reason for the failures.
Instead of re-sitting my A Level, I risked by doing a Diploma course – studied real hard – did real well in my exams - and was promoted to second year degree course. Lessons learnt!
In life, there is no free lunch!
Another trick is to be able to bounce back from dissappointment of failures.
Before the final whistle blow, do not lose your hope of winning.
And it is folly to fail at the same thing twice.

Lessons from Success.
“Rome was not built in one day” Old proverb.
As a child of seven, I tried to build a mouse trap. I used wooden blocks as the trap which should fall and killed a mouse when it moved the bait. I was neither patient nor persevering. I gave up when I failed to catch a single mouse after one night of trying. My late grandfather noticed my despondence. He took me aside and worked with me step by step building a mouse trap - asking me how much did I want to build a trap. Why did I want to do it? He said, if the "why" is strong then go for it - keep trying until we get it. He built a pro-type, experimented with it then improved the design. It took him a week, but in the end we caught many mice with that trap built from bamboos and some sago branches.

Be happy but never be satisfied.
Winning once is not good enough, we need to keep winning to be a legend.
Tiger Wood is a happy man every time he wins a Golf competition. But he allows himself only a short time to be happy – soon he is back to the driving range or putting green practicing. Of course he is already an expert in playing Golf – but he is never satisfied. He keeps pushing himself forward and upwards.
I am never a satisfied man myself when it comes to my work. I keep challenging my staff and myself for faster, for better, for more!
I am not yet a legend in Golf, but I am pretty good in what I have chosen to do....

I don’t aim to be perfect, but I aim to be the best I can be.
I find perfection as inhibiting me from achieving more. I don’t fret over the little things, but I focus my effort to sweat over the big things – things that matters. Then I give my all to achieve those big things.
When Along did poorly in exams when he was in primary school, I found out from his teachers that he was playful in class. I took Along for a drive. We had a man-to-man talk. I asked him whether he was happy with his performance in school? Whether what he was achieving was the best he can achieve? Or whether he can do better if he try harder?
I assured him that so long as he has given his best, I would stand by his results. But he must try his best.
His exams results improved so much he was awarded the ‘Most improved student’.
Since then in whatever he does, he gives his best effort. I am proud with his independence and personal leadership. He has graduated and started working.
His siblings followed suit – Zeti scored perfect 10A1s in her SPM, and Fariz scored 3.98 points ( out of maximum 4.0 ) for his matriculation final results. He too scored 9As in his SPM. Both Amirul and Haziq are in the top three of their class, and Amirul has won second place in a virtual world Maths competition as a representative of his school. The champion was three years older than him. Luqman, at his young age of soon to be seven - is already experimenting with his own kind of mouse traps.
They are all self-motivated and giving their very best in their studies. And that is what matters!

Lessons about happiness.
I found out that happiness is not equal to success, neither does it equate to wealth.
Success and wealth can only help towards being happy, but there are millions of successful and wealthy people who live miserable lives.
Lasting happiness for me comes from knowing that I have made others happy. Happiness is about giving!
This of course starts at home – having a happy wife, cheerful children and blissful home.
We give hugs generously. We joke freely, and bring laughter out of each other.
Happiness is also about forgiving!
I learnt that blame and shame are games played by vengeful people – and invariably they are quite a miserable lot. I therefore adopt a forgiving attitude. I don’t keep enemies. I forgive everyone – even if it means forgiving them in my heart – and I move on.
If people ask what is my secret for maintaing a youthful outlook, my answer is, "Think good of others. Baik sangka!".

Many of my unhappy moments are linked to ‘endless searching and pursuing for more than I have’. How ungrateful, given what I do have!
This is related perhaps to what I have written above – about never being satisfied.
A time will come when I will stop chasing and will occupy myself with counting my blessings. This is a lesson from which I am yet to graduate.
My prayers, I noted, are still mainly asking for this and asking for that from God. A perpetual state of greed and gullibility, and surrendering to temptations, desires and trapping of the world. May god forgive me for my self-indulgence. I am at my first stage of learning – realizing my weaknesses and accepting that I want to change. I will graduate from this, InsyAAllah, and live to be happier and more contented.

Happiness = Attitude * Thought * Behavior
( state of heart & mind) * (thinking process) * (deeds and actions)
I take responsibility for my happiness and my life.
- For who I am
- For what I have
- For what I do
I take charge of my thinking because……
“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you are Right!” Said Henry Ford.
I choose my behaviors, and I am answerable for them to God and to people around me. I stand to be corrected if I don't behave any of these which I try to live by :
• Spread smiles *i hope you've notice my :-) in all of my comments*
• Sprinkle some “positive” on the negatives.
• Focus on the good of each day and each person * ber sangka baik*
• Stay out of the “negative circles” they can bring you down in a spiral of negative thoughts.
• Say “Please” and “Thank you” and "Bismillah...."
• Empathize.....and listening is my gift to my friends!
• Never miss an opportunity to complement
• Have a forgiving views
• Keep an open mind
• Cultivate my sense of humor

Lessons about lessons.
Remember to
Watch your definitions -
they become thoughts
Watch your thoughts -
they become words
Watch your words -
they become actions
Watch your actions -
they become your destiny.

I end my sharing of lessons with buckets of humility.
-Taking a flight to city of London tonight, before continuing my journey to Casablanca for a week. Wishing you an enjoyable weekend and week ahead with ur loved ones-

For God's sake, be nice!

The horizon turned amber and the reflection in the Red Sea was fabulously enchanting. The invitees turned silent to respect the call for Maghrib prayer from nearby mosques. The ceremony began. The bride and groom walked hand in hand - making a grand entrance. We were at a private club on the Corniche in Jeddah witnessing a wedding ceremony of a Lebanese couple.

The bride and groom took turn to recite their wedding vows - to love, honor, and cherish. That was the keynote of the evening wedding reception for their close relatives and friends. What an incredible promise!

I looked around, observing faces. The ladies were mostly smiling with a kind of dreamy look on their faces. A re-play of their own wedding could not be far from their mind. And single girls were giggling and stealing glances with bachelor boys. Men were whispering to each other.
I overheard one guy with balding patch was saying, "I bet the guy does not know what he is getting into by saying those vows". Of course meant as a joke, but was he? Married men tend to be cynical about the purer than pure kind of wedding vows. Most are living with guilt of having broken theirs.
"Yea....when he said - I'll love you, he should add as long as you behave in a loveable manner. Really I think he should or else he will live to regret". Said the other man, who from his pot belly I guess has been married for a good number of years himself. And the balding guy added with glee, "And when he said - I'll cherish you, really should add - as long as I feel the love for you and whenever we are together".

How about this dialogue below? I am sure you have heard them before, not in your own home *roll eyes*, but you must have heard that it happens in someone else's home, right? To think that sometimes not in the distant past the husband and wife have each vowed to love, honour and cherish each other - till death do they part?!!

Husband : What do you mean I don't love you?
Wife : You never appreciate me, never say you love me.
Husband : But you know I love you. I come home everyday don't I?
Wife : Yea right, and spend time reading newspaper and watching TV and surfing internet. Just as well you are not at home.
Husband : Ok if you wish - I am going out right now and don't blame me for it.
Wife : I am right you don't love me.
Husband : Whatever!

"If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly and sour at home, then go out on the street and start grinning 'good morning' to total strangers"
- Maya Angelou.

I have read many books and watched numerous movies on the subject
- Of trust and betrayal
- Of marriages and divorces.
- Of loving one day and screaming murder the next.
And I have come to accept that the above do happen and there is little wisdom in trying to deny the possibility of it happening to someone I know or even to myself.

But I know also that it is simply civilized and dignified to maintain self-respect and to maintain respect for the person whom we have once promised to love, honour and cherish. For God's sake - be and stay nice to each other!

I am often asked this question, " Is it better to stay in a unhappy marriage , or is it better to go separate ways and hopefully one can find happiness else where?"

And I often answer, "If by staying together, you are really affecting the well being of your children, then go seperate ways - for the others do not deserve to be affected by your self-indulgence. But if by going seperate ways, you make your children more unhappy - then try to work it out. But stay nice to each other".

You may be able to deduce from above, that my answer to couples without children is "You only have yourself to answer to, so be true to yourself".

Dear readers, I am asking you to generate some ideas for all of us to have a renewal in our relationship. You can contribute by completing this statement in your comments.

"I really feel that I am loved when my partner.........................................................................."

Your answer may help us to really understand more about what we need to do in order to fullfill our promise, To Love till death shall we part.

"Words are empty sometimes but how it is said transcends into the soul and leaves a certain feeling" - owner of the the curve.

Lost and Found!

This is far from being a random ramblings about nothing from an un-thinking blog addict. This is an entry from an award winner for the coveted Thinking Blogger award, not once but twice. Cewahhhh terrer tu...hehehehehe. Queen and Ween, I really am grateful ....for the awards, thank you! Of so many, only two of you really think that I actually think and use my brain in writing my entries. Aha...and my problem is related to this part lah...to identify five other winners. This is so difficult.....Huhuhu, how lah ! I find so many blogs are over qualified. I think everyone also like clever like that....writing with deeper meanings than my 'fart' story or my miscommunication with Lil which ended with 'quick lunch'. So, I take the cowardly approach, by not doing any nominations. Not just as yet anyway. My apologies to both Ween and Queen.

This entry is part of an experiment - to find out whether I am really a thinking blogger or I am one of those who produce craps random ramblings from an idling brain which looks for escapade.

Lost and Found 1

Once upon a moon, a lady brought her husband to see an ENT specialist. The lady wanted the specialist to stop her husband from having very frequent as well as very loud and smelly farting. However the husband insisted that even though he farts very frequently, it was neither loud nor smelly. He told the ENT specialist that when he farted, it was just a whisper and there was no smell at all.'"Hmmm" said the ENT specialist who than prescribed him several capsules of medication that are to be taken thrice a day for a week. The following week he stormed into the ENT specialist room, jumping and screaming furiously at the ENT specialist saying "What have done to my tummy ?, now that each time I farted, phoof It smell terrible"
"Well, I have cured your sinus" said the ENT. "Next, I want to work on your hearing problem" He added.

Hehehehe.....lost and found sense of smell is not always good!

Lost and Found 2.

Many years ago, at a time when Amirul was yet to understand adult conversation but was perceptive enough to know that all was not well between mom and dad – he quietly went to his bedroom and hid. Haziq was even younger and cried because he thought the shouting was directed at him. Along, Zeti and Fariz were old enough to understand – and they huddled up in Zeti’s bedroom.
LiL and I had a shouting match. She wasn’t happy and she packed an over night bag threatening to leave. Of course I knew I was wrong, and I duly apologized. But Lil wasn’t satisfied neither convinced.

She stomped to the door. Azan could be heard from the nearby mosques announcing Isya prayer time. I went to the door – stood there and asked her to stay home, at least until after the prayer time is over.

She somehow agreed. The Azan had some effect on her and she stopped from baulking. I asked her to take Wuduk so that we could pray together. She dropped her bag, and walked to the bathroom. I waited on the sejadah in our master bed room. Along, Zeti and Fariz were also there – ready in their prayer attire. Everyone was in silent and the mood as so sombre.
LiL came, and joined Zeti in the Saf behind.

That was one prayer I will not forget. Tears streaming down my cheeks as I was reciting the Surahs. I recited part of the doa in Malay, asking God to keep our family together – and protect us from anger and to help us find what we have lost - happiness as a family. I could hear sobs from behind me.
Then when I turned back, LiL and the three children were in a huddle, sobbing. I joined them in the embrace. I then said “I am so sorry” almost at the same time as LiL did.

“Abang tolong sangkut balek my baju…boleh” Said LiL, unexpectedly.
I kissed her forehead, and said, “Yes – I love you”.

We found what we nearly lost - because we both did not want to lose it. It was a long time ago, and Luqman was perhaps a result of passion of love rekindled.

Lost and Found 3

When we wanted to check in at a hotel in Mekah over the weekend, we had a panic situation. We could not find the Local ID ( called Iqamah ), which certifies that we are resident of Saudi Arabia. Without the Iqamah, we can be detained by Police as suspects of illegal overstayers. However, with some charm and persuasion, the hotel General Manager registered us.

We forgot about the Iqamah until we came back yesterday. Then frantic search for it started. LiL was quite certain that I had taken it from her safe keeping, but accepted that she could have misplaced it too. While me, could not ever remember having taken it and was certain that it was with LiL but accepted that I could have absent mindedly taken it. There was a little hope that the Iqamah could have been left in my office drawer, so we hinged our hope on that little chance and slept peacefully like all husband and wife should. The angels smiled!

This morning, I searched my drawers, my secretary’s drawers and did not find the Iqamah. Panic! So I called the Government Relations officer to my office and reported a missing Iqamah . He said in order to get a replacement we need to place an announcement in the newspaper and to lodge a police report. There is a fine of SAR1000 to be paid as well.
I called LiL to update. She promised to keep searching.

At 5pm I got a call from LiL.
“Found the Iqamah – nicely cleaned and dried and ironed”.

It was in my trouser’s pocket which was laundered and ironed.
Even in its crumpled and illegible state it is a relief!

We found what we have lost - because we both accepted that either one of us could have possibly be responsible for it.

Lost and found 4
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought, and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the tuts t*ts and said,"You know if you firmed these up we could ge rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the duck d*ck. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool man and your brother.

Ehehehe....on this one, I don't really know what was lost and what was found. If I must analyse, I think the husband lost his 'firmness' and just found out that his wife is irked by it. hehehehe

---

Queen and Ween *I like the rhyme here*- sorry again for not taking this nominations further!.

Salah message!

Dalam entry kelmarin, abg id tulis pasal suami harus pulang ke rumah di waktu makan tengah hari - for a quickie!

So tadi, abg id cuba lah praktik kan tips itu. Kata orang, must 'walk the talk' la kan....
tak kan setakat bagi nasihat jer berkobar2, haruslah praktik kan dulu, baru lah ada betul kan....ah, not easy to be a rocking papa! hehehehe, kena tanya one rocking mama la how to be one.

Jam 11 am, dah berbalas2 sms dengan isteri tercinta - kenen2 la kan. Bagi hints yang lunch time tu nak balek, for a quickie. Isteri abg id, kak LiL macam tak selesa jer, katanya Fariz kan ada di rumah. *Fariz tiba dari Malaysia semalam for a two months semester break*

"Sure or not? Fariz at home tau...?" <-----jawapan dari LiL.
"Sure la...You ready la ..muahzzz..."<---sms balas dari abg id.

Jam 12.30 pm, tiba lah di rumah, dengan penuh harapan untuk lunch dan quickie. Fariz tekun di komputer. K LiL tak nampak pun. Anak-anak kucing menunggu di muka pintu, dan datang menggesel di kaki. Ahhh, kasi warm up ka?
Lalu abg id bertanya lah kepada Fariz, mana mak?
Lalu jawap lah Fariz, "Mak pergi beli meggie di mini market" *Dekat rumah ada mini market.* Lalu abg id pun minta Fariz pergi ke supermarket dengan Mahdi (driver), untuk membelikan lamb chops for bbQ malam nanti. Excuse jer actually, supaya ada privacy dengan LiL. *Dalam hati rasa bersalah jugak, tapi ok la sebab malam nanti boleh la makan BBQ*

Abg id naik lah ke atas....dan shower. Mesti la nak wangi2 kan...*siap bersiul2 lagi sambil mandi* Setelah lap badan, dan pakai house gown yang berwarna merah itu, abg id dengar kak LiL panggil dari bawah, "Sayang....lunch is ready"
Maka dengan hati yang penuh gembira, abg id melangkah turun. Dengan setiap anak tangga, abg id menghitung minit dan saat menunggu saat itu. Ahhh...tak sabar!
Meggie sudah terhidang di dalam mangkuk, sungguh indah persembahannya dengan telur sebiji dan sayur2 berendam.
"Errrmm, meggie ye?" Tegur abg id.
"Ye lah...kan abang nak quick lunch"
"Quick lunch? ermm...iye ka...ok jugak...cepat kita boleh ehem ehem kan sayang"
"Ehem ehem? eh abang mandi ka? dah cuti ka petang ni?"
"Eh...err....tak laa..abang kena gi kerja balek...mandi sebab errrr nak wangi2 la.."
"Isk abang nie, nak makan pun nak wangi2. Fariz mana?"
"I sent him to the supermarket. Kan kita nak privacy"
"Alaaa abg nie, nak lunch pun nak privacy. Dia pun belum lunch tadi tu..."

It was obvious the conversation was not connecting......hehehehehe

Abg id buka balek handphone, check the sms yang bertukar2 dengan kak LiL tadi. Di mana pulak la silapnya, hingga dia macam blur la pulak....pada hal tadi sudah plan nak quickie...

"sayang, abg balek for quick lunch nanti" <====ini rupa nya sms yang abg id hantar. Tak de la pulak di tulis 'quickie'. Sepatutnya message itu berbunyi, "Sayang, abg balek for quickie, lunch nanti". isk isk ...terlepasssss babe!

Hehehehe, malu la pulak nak minta apa yang sebenar nya terbuku di hati. Biar jer la kan....

Next time kena lebih carefull la bila berkomunikasi..... supaya dapat yang di hajati. Jangan hingga seperti di bawah ini!



Bila LiL baca entry ni pagi nanti, semoga dia faham lah kenapa suami nya yang asyek tersengeh2 itu asyek ber*ehem ehem* jer bila pulang lunch semalam.

Speeding....

What is it about speed and man - speeding tickets for example will be proudly flaunted at parties. Macho la tu konon.......bawa kereta laju2 hingga kena saman.

I too like speed when I am at the wheels. However, the traffic congestion in Dubai restrict speed driving, while in Jeddah, the roads are never too safe....pot holes can appear anywhere without any warning.

Today, untuk melepaskan gian I went to the Dubai Autodrome Race and drive center. I got to drive a F3 car around the track at neck breaking speed and it is all legal. The roar of the engine so powerful was so liberating and exhillarating!

At top speed I was going at 230km per hour.

Sorry son....yet again.

I kissed Luqman's forehead as I left the house this morning. He was still in bed. A pang of guilt again drenched my heart. This month, I have been home for less than a week - and a few of those days I arrived home when he was already in bed.
Last night we went to one of his friends' birthday party. When we stopped at the ToyR-Us to buy gifts for his friend, he too picked up one toy for himself and looked at me for approval.
Lil said "No" instantly. The first parent's responce stays. He knows that. LiL and I do not contradict each other openly in front of our children. He looked down, despondent and dejected. I did not have the heart to see his dissappointed look. LiL did not want to encourage him to be impulsive with buying toys. I was feeling guilty and want to make it up with material things.
As always, I do not undermine LiL's decision in front of my children. I nudged LiL to follow me to the other side of teh shelves and pleaded for her to allow Luqman to buy something. We compromised - he can buy a less costly toy.
He was smiling when LiL told him so and immediately placed the remote control thing back on the shelf and went looking for an alternative toy to buy. Finally he came back with a kind of battery added portable microphone cum loudspeaker. This morning, I saw that microphone thing tightly huddled in his embrace.

While waiting in the lounge I wrote this entry. I found this poem forwarded to me by one of my friends. I think it is relevant. This is not my original poem - but I could not remember the author to give appropriate credit to.

My Hands Were Busy

My hands were busy throughout the day

I didn't have much time to play

The little games you asked me to

I didn't have much time for you.

I'd watch TV, update my blogs,

I'd listen to radio and go for a jog,

But when you'd bring your picture book

And ask me please to share your fun,

I'd say: "A little later, son.

I'd tuck you in all safe at night"

And hear your prayers, turn out the light,

Then tiptoe softly to the door...

I wished I'd stayed a minute more.

For time is short, the years rush past...

A little boy grows up so fast.

No longer is he at your side,

His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,

There are no longer games to play,

No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear...

That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands, once busy, now are still.

The days are long and hard to fill.

I wish I could go back and do

The little things you asked me to.

- credit to the orginal author of this poem.

My life as a teenager....

I met my match! She was game, and willing to try. She captivated my attention and was always ready to answer my questions.
We bantered like two long lost friends reunited - on YM tonight. One topic led to another and finally we agreed to have a blogger's challenge.

She gave me three topics to choose from and I were to do the same. Then we were to choose one of the topics and write an entry within an hour.

Her options for me were :
- Your life as a teen ager.
- My first time....
- My favourite musics as a young man.
All three about a page from my memory lane. Not surprising given that her latest entry was about a trip down her memory lane, days of her childhood when she played the role of remote control for TV channel switching - and she was obviously in that kind of mood.

I chose - My life as a teenager.........

A STAR rugby team - Perak state champion.

Teen ager Idham spent most of his teen age period at a boarding school in Ipoh - popularly known as STAR.
It was also his first time living away from home. The transformation was not easy for a twelve years old whose world has never been outside his little village in Kelantan known simply as Kampung Kemubu. He was never exposed to neon lights, and never had shower under a running tap. His toilet habit was primitive - what was known as the-free-for-all-behind-any-bush one can find. So to have been sent to a boarding school, where his dormitary was brightened by not one but many fluorescent lamps - it was a cultural shock to young Idham. That was when he first saw a brighter world. But he longed for his kerosene oil lamps, the 'pelita'. He told his dormitary mates how he missed his mother who would always accompanied him on the other side of the 'pelita' while he was completing his homework.
During his early days in the hostel, he was obsessed with the running tap water - and spent hours in the shower cubicles. He said that the shower reminded him of rainy days when he used to enjoy going to the padi fields to look at his fishing nets.

His early teen life was a transformation from 'bawah tempurung' to 'a bigger, more modern and city like tempurung'. Still a tempurung - but more of a self imposed tempurung because even with the freedom - he wasn't adventurous enough to go beyond his comfort zones. To his friends who tried to influence him to do some of the naughty things young teenagers did - he simply said, "My mak will not like it if I do that". His mother had a major influence on his early teen age life.
Little wonder he did not know how to swim, neither could he climb trees. It was during the second half of his teen age life - when he felt safer to try and venture - that he really saw a brighter world.
He picked up smoking at sixteen. As if to declare publicly that he has left his 'tempurung' and was ready to conquer the world, he spent one entire semester break when he was sixteen to go on a back-packing adventure around Malaysia. With some clothes packed, he went hitch-hiking from Ipoh to Kuala Lumpur, to Malacca then JB, before making his way up north again towards Kelantan. He came close to a few scarry encounters with drug addicts and tramps during those nights he slept at public parks. In Terengganu, he was taken home by an elderly couple for a good shower and a hearty meal in their lovely home - a good deed he remember fondly to this day. The couple also gave him enough cash to take a bus to home in Kelantan if he so wished. But alas....he was on an adventure and the money was saved to pass on to his mother instead.

Idham's teen age period of adjusting and adventure continued when he won a sholarship to study A Level in Grantham, Linconshire England. He built a penchant for traveling - a lifestyle he carried into his career later in life.
It was as a eighteen year old student that he met his first girlfriend - an English girl by the name of Catherine. He also became rebellious in his dressing - went for the hippies look which was trendy at the time. He even wore ear-rings. His hair was long and unkept - fashionable he said.
His relationship with Catherine was awkward. Not a surprise really since he never had a serious relationship with a girl before. Afterall, he has spent his early teens in an all-boys boarding school. It was Catherine who taught him how to lip-kissing. It was also Catherine who taught him the meaning of jelousy and heartbreak. It was a relationship destined to be experimental and failed - for after a few clumsy and awkward 'first time' experiences - Catherine decided she was tired of playing a 'teacher' role - teaching a naive young boy with every trick and skill in a boy-girl relationship. Catherine moved on. Idham spent the rest of his teen age life concentrating on his studies - at the same time mending a broken heart. His entry to adulthood was marked with a chance meeting with his first true love - also his unwilling girlfriend, the one who he nurtured into a relationship which ended in marriage.

The Grantham train station.

That was a brief recollection of idham's life as a teen ager.

Time to check with my new found blog friend , Jacquis Curve, who tonight through the YM chat agreed to do a blog challenge with me.

"J.T. , where are you..............? Are you done yet with yours?"

"I like myself best when I'm with you"

"I like myself best when I am talking to you".
That was what a friend I was chatting with on the YM said just before she logged off. Let us call her Az *not her real name*.
By the time I replied to tell her I was just happy to be able to listen to her predicaments in life - she was already gone.

I have known people who can brighten any room - just by leaving! These people carry a rugby ball face with them - long and sour. Sometimes, we too have been that person. Through out life, I have consciously tried to be a candle instead , the sort of person who brightens any room I walk in and lift the energy of people around me. If I feel that I can't then I'd rather not be there. I have for instance, although rarely, declined dinner invitations because I was not in the sort of emotional or physical situation ready for socializing. If I were to be there - then I want to be able to bring happiness and spread smiles around me.

Just like Az, I too look for people who make me "feel good about myself". If you feel you don't fit with a particular group or individual, then move on - there are enough people in this wide world for everyone to find sufficient number who can make you feel good.
Az, for instance, found me to be one of them for her. That is great, because I too enjoy listening and chatting with her.

When I decided to become the "I like Me Best" kind of person, I did so for my own happiness and for those around me. It of course start with my wife LiL and my children. I want them to feel "the best they can feel, when they are with me". On the family front, I think I have made some progress there.

I want to share with you some of the keys I have found helpful in becoming that "I Like Me Best" kind of person:

1. Focus on the positive
"If you can't say anything nice...don't say anything at all." I listen and refrain from trying to correct anyone. They already know what they lack, too many people - including those who love them - have been telling them their weaknesses day in and day out. Sometimes, they have forgotten their own identity because of the constant negative reminders. Instead, compliment them on their strengths. And make sure those are their genuine strength in your views.

2. Be an Optimist
Everyone likes to be around the "Realistic Optimist". The "RO" is a person who can acknowledge that everything isn't always great, but that somehow we will all make it through. Knowing that trials and setbacks are both inevitable as well as temporary makes you an asset to the people around you. An optimist turns lemon into lemonades. He creates his own rainbow....An optimist sees the good in people. To him the world is for everyone to share. Being a Realist as well, his feet are grounded on solid foundation of wisdom, experience and basic values and principles. For me, the rock of my values is my faith in God.

3. Let the child in you play....
"....rule #6, don't take yourself too seriously" I used to tell my colleagues at work. They would ask me what are the other five rules....and I said I only have rule #6. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? When was the last time you acted freely in responce to your childish insticnt and not having to worry about "what would others think?"
For example, I was most happy when I spent one day with my daughter Zety and her friends touring Northern Ireland - I was a young man all over again.
Aha, you can actually see that trip here.
I just let it be....

4. Give generously
"....to give without expecting anything in returns....that is love!"
If you want to be a "I like Me Best" person, then this is a must. Give anything - time, listening, love.....and give generously.
Be generous with PEOPLE stuff. Give a 20% tip to the waitress who served you that great meal. Give $10 to a kid who helped you find a parking spot. Give away smiles like you get paid for each one. Take someone out to lunch--TODAY. Give a game to your youngest child - play with him and showed that you too are enjoying the game. Give forgiveness ....Give and thou shall receive!

5. Live in the Present.
If you have not read this small book, please buy one and read. You can finish it in less than an hour - but your perspective about life will change for ever. Let the past be a source of your wisdom, live the present and help create the future. Most of us make the mistake of being stuck in the past - that we punish those around us today, in the present. Let the past go....Enjoy the present....and take control of the future.

6. Love Deeply
This is the most important tip for happiness.
Sure, you love your spouse, you love your kids. But what about the people you work with? What about your neighbors, or your fellow bloggers? If you love deeply I will guarantee you a couple things: You will be disappointed and hurt, but you will ALSO find happiness from some people who will deeply love you back. Trust me, it's worth it. I use the word LOVE in a broader sense - and not limiting to romantic love. And ... for those who know me, you have probably noticed that I do walk with my heart on my sleeves. In the process, I have been both bruised and praised. But either way, it helps me find my "I like me best" person and friends.

Being a realist, and also since I am not running for an election - I also know that I am not able to please everyone. Neither do I try to. The trick is - to be able to say to yourself, that it is ok if that so and so does not like you. Feel good about yourself that you do not need approvals from anyone else to validate your being. The only two approval that matter are; One is from your inner conscience and the other, the ultimate approval from Him.

And for Az, thanks for that last sentence on the YM just before you logged off.

The starting point to loving and giving is - to feel good about oneself !

Say it to yourself in the mirror every morning, with a smile, a grin even,

"I feel Good to be Myself. I like me best for who I am"