Life's Lessons

Pre-amble

A maze owner, A lady with curve, A faraway doctor, and yours truly got together on Yahoo Messenger conference and brought new meaning to the term - Happy hour. We finally agreed on a blog challenge – All three to write about a common topic of “Life’s Lessons” and to be posted on Thursday May 17th, before mid-night.

My school of Life’s lessons

Most of my life’s lessons were learnt in schools of hard-knock. Throughout life, I have accumulated as many scars on my body and heart as have been the acquisition of wisdom and lessons.
Schools of hard-knock spin out lessons blow after blow, one heart break after another, quick succession of betrayal and disappointment and not to mention countless time of falling and faltering.
One learns as much as one wish to learn. The teacher is no one else but one’s own Attitude, Mind, and Behavior.


Lessons from Failures.
“No Pain No Gain” – I learnt quite early in life that there is no short cut to success. As a student I didn’t get full pass for my A-Levels. The sudden freedom of living in the UK and exposure to the Western culture got the better of me. I skipped studying in favor of leisure and pleasure.
My best lessons in life seemed to always have followed my failures. One trick is to be able to understand the reason for the failures.
Instead of re-sitting my A Level, I risked by doing a Diploma course – studied real hard – did real well in my exams - and was promoted to second year degree course. Lessons learnt!
In life, there is no free lunch!
Another trick is to be able to bounce back from dissappointment of failures.
Before the final whistle blow, do not lose your hope of winning.
And it is folly to fail at the same thing twice.

Lessons from Success.
“Rome was not built in one day” Old proverb.
As a child of seven, I tried to build a mouse trap. I used wooden blocks as the trap which should fall and killed a mouse when it moved the bait. I was neither patient nor persevering. I gave up when I failed to catch a single mouse after one night of trying. My late grandfather noticed my despondence. He took me aside and worked with me step by step building a mouse trap - asking me how much did I want to build a trap. Why did I want to do it? He said, if the "why" is strong then go for it - keep trying until we get it. He built a pro-type, experimented with it then improved the design. It took him a week, but in the end we caught many mice with that trap built from bamboos and some sago branches.

Be happy but never be satisfied.
Winning once is not good enough, we need to keep winning to be a legend.
Tiger Wood is a happy man every time he wins a Golf competition. But he allows himself only a short time to be happy – soon he is back to the driving range or putting green practicing. Of course he is already an expert in playing Golf – but he is never satisfied. He keeps pushing himself forward and upwards.
I am never a satisfied man myself when it comes to my work. I keep challenging my staff and myself for faster, for better, for more!
I am not yet a legend in Golf, but I am pretty good in what I have chosen to do....

I don’t aim to be perfect, but I aim to be the best I can be.
I find perfection as inhibiting me from achieving more. I don’t fret over the little things, but I focus my effort to sweat over the big things – things that matters. Then I give my all to achieve those big things.
When Along did poorly in exams when he was in primary school, I found out from his teachers that he was playful in class. I took Along for a drive. We had a man-to-man talk. I asked him whether he was happy with his performance in school? Whether what he was achieving was the best he can achieve? Or whether he can do better if he try harder?
I assured him that so long as he has given his best, I would stand by his results. But he must try his best.
His exams results improved so much he was awarded the ‘Most improved student’.
Since then in whatever he does, he gives his best effort. I am proud with his independence and personal leadership. He has graduated and started working.
His siblings followed suit – Zeti scored perfect 10A1s in her SPM, and Fariz scored 3.98 points ( out of maximum 4.0 ) for his matriculation final results. He too scored 9As in his SPM. Both Amirul and Haziq are in the top three of their class, and Amirul has won second place in a virtual world Maths competition as a representative of his school. The champion was three years older than him. Luqman, at his young age of soon to be seven - is already experimenting with his own kind of mouse traps.
They are all self-motivated and giving their very best in their studies. And that is what matters!

Lessons about happiness.
I found out that happiness is not equal to success, neither does it equate to wealth.
Success and wealth can only help towards being happy, but there are millions of successful and wealthy people who live miserable lives.
Lasting happiness for me comes from knowing that I have made others happy. Happiness is about giving!
This of course starts at home – having a happy wife, cheerful children and blissful home.
We give hugs generously. We joke freely, and bring laughter out of each other.
Happiness is also about forgiving!
I learnt that blame and shame are games played by vengeful people – and invariably they are quite a miserable lot. I therefore adopt a forgiving attitude. I don’t keep enemies. I forgive everyone – even if it means forgiving them in my heart – and I move on.
If people ask what is my secret for maintaing a youthful outlook, my answer is, "Think good of others. Baik sangka!".

Many of my unhappy moments are linked to ‘endless searching and pursuing for more than I have’. How ungrateful, given what I do have!
This is related perhaps to what I have written above – about never being satisfied.
A time will come when I will stop chasing and will occupy myself with counting my blessings. This is a lesson from which I am yet to graduate.
My prayers, I noted, are still mainly asking for this and asking for that from God. A perpetual state of greed and gullibility, and surrendering to temptations, desires and trapping of the world. May god forgive me for my self-indulgence. I am at my first stage of learning – realizing my weaknesses and accepting that I want to change. I will graduate from this, InsyAAllah, and live to be happier and more contented.

Happiness = Attitude * Thought * Behavior
( state of heart & mind) * (thinking process) * (deeds and actions)
I take responsibility for my happiness and my life.
- For who I am
- For what I have
- For what I do
I take charge of my thinking because……
“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you are Right!” Said Henry Ford.
I choose my behaviors, and I am answerable for them to God and to people around me. I stand to be corrected if I don't behave any of these which I try to live by :
• Spread smiles *i hope you've notice my :-) in all of my comments*
• Sprinkle some “positive” on the negatives.
• Focus on the good of each day and each person * ber sangka baik*
• Stay out of the “negative circles” they can bring you down in a spiral of negative thoughts.
• Say “Please” and “Thank you” and "Bismillah...."
• Empathize.....and listening is my gift to my friends!
• Never miss an opportunity to complement
• Have a forgiving views
• Keep an open mind
• Cultivate my sense of humor

Lessons about lessons.
Remember to
Watch your definitions -
they become thoughts
Watch your thoughts -
they become words
Watch your words -
they become actions
Watch your actions -
they become your destiny.

I end my sharing of lessons with buckets of humility.
-Taking a flight to city of London tonight, before continuing my journey to Casablanca for a week. Wishing you an enjoyable weekend and week ahead with ur loved ones-