Nak tau ka?

"Kenapa abg id dah lama tak update blog? Ada apa2 ka yang tak kena?"
Tanya seorang teman di Yahoo Messenger.

I could not tell her the full truth - as I was still reeling from a shock and still nursing my own broken heart.
I have been and still is in dismay over a relationship that did not go as well as I was hoping and wishing for.

For the last one week, I have been praying for a better beginning and to be able to overcome the despair due to this abrupt ending.
After more than a decade together, I have grown fond and attached. To be told that I am no longer needed - was a pain of betrayal and hurt beyond my ability to see it rationally. I was emotional. Compounding the emotion is the fact that there are my loved ones involved. The thought that my children's dreams may be compromised due this broken relationship made it harder to swallow. I went through self-dialogues of why?, why me? what did I do? Why did I not see it coming?
I could not help but to reflect over what must be going through other people whose relationship are under-going a stormy patch. And I took myself to the few occassions when I was listening to friends who were seeking my advice.
Then the voices echo in my ears......they were my own voices!

I got up from my self-pity slumber and drew open the curtain of suite 842 of the Kempinski hotel - a majestic view of Burj AL Arab in the horizon reminding of strength and beauty at the same time. The busy Sheikh Zayed road below with cars whizzing by at the wee hour of the morning perked me with new optimism. I switched off the light. The contrast of the darkness within and the buzz of life on the outside - provided me with a similar situation to reflect on. Inside my heart was dark with despair and sadness while out there life is for te taking.

I shrugged off the heavy loads from my shoulder and wiped the remaining solitary tear from my cheek.
I went to the full mirror on the living room wall and looked at my self. I was looking for the sparkle of optimism which have known no fear in the past. It was still there. They were still the same eyes which were able to see silver lining in every cloud.
I felt new supply of oxygen rushing through my blood streams.
My heart was beating not with fear and anxiety but with new hope and determination to take control of my life.
I felt bigger and stronger and in that brief moment I really felt like I could fly.
I bounced back last night!

I learnt one thing - It is easier to reshape and build a new dream then to mend a broken one. Write it off and let it go!

Loses of any kind is disturbing. This time, the only thing I have lost is a job. I still have my family, my friends, and most of all - my dignity.

And a prayer sent to me by a friend from blog-land was so touching and sincere - I could only see the Angels answering with their Ameeeen......and a great beginning is on its way. It was a private prayer sent in private so I could not share publicly. InsyaAllah....