They ain't heavy - they are my sons!

"Ayah, ayah dah tak kerja sana lagi ka? Bukan ayah dah over age ka nak cari kerja baru?"

Along was concerned that I may not get an interview due to my age.Afterall, most of job advertisements that he has seen in Malaysia stipulate an age limit of not more than 35.

I smiled at his concern, and LiL had a good laugh.

"So, kita nak balek Malaysia ka ayah? Sekolah macam mana?"

Amirul who is sitting for his O-Level next year seemingly concern. I can understand his concern - after all he has not done more than 6 months in a Malaysian school system. He will struggle with BM lessons and exams.

Haziq is cool, and his apparent concern for now is about leaving his friends. For the last two nights he has been spending time at different friends house - in group. One is from Korea, the other from Saudi and one from New Zealand.

So far he has managed to collect more than SAR500 selling toys belonging to Luqman and himself. He has been clearing the toys in preparation for the move.

Zeti from Dublin sent an sms, "Ayah ok ka?"
We had a phone chat. She said she was having flue, but I think she has just cried.
I assured her we will be ok. And that she has no reason to worry. I will be able to fund her studies to completion - and that is a commitment.

Fariz who is currently in Jeddah for his University semester break was helping LiL packing some of the old stuff/ clothes away; sorting into bins of 'to throw', 'to give away' and 'to bring'.
I overheard him asking his mom, "Mak ok ka?"
So nice of him. While most people was showing concern for me, he was showing his care for LiL's feeling. Thanks Fariz...that was nice.

Luqman is excited that we are moving - anywhere. He wants a change without really understanding why. For some reason he thinks we are moving to London. Perhaps he has overheard my discussion on preferred locations with LiL. But, what I really think is he wants to express his support for us in making decision if we need to move. He does not want me to worry about how he feels.

My close friends from the office here in Jeddah are helping to introduce me to a few local businessmen - local Sheikhs. I am exploring opportunitites, not easy but try I must. None materialize as yet. One reason is my inability to converse in Arabic. The other is my high expectation on remuneration - at this point in time I am not ready to compromise on my package.

The company has offered me a few options - one is to join the board of the Ghana business. I declined after discussing with LiL and the children. The education system there is not as advanced as what we have been used to and the security is in question.
Another options offered was to take up a posting in Rotterdam - the job is not of board position but the responsibility is huge; joining a team which manage 14 European countries and a business of Euro 1 bil. I declined, mainly due high income tax rate of the country and the perceived lower status ofthe position compared to what I am having now * at least until end June*.

Just this morning - an option to move to Singapore came up. I am in discussion about this option. Singapore afterall is close to home, and the family and I enjoyed the three odd years we were there the last time. There are downsides too - which is why I need to think it over.
The plus side is that I will have a job and that there will be continuity for my children's education.

The above options, are great booster to my self-esteem, in that I am not discarded like a useless piece of furniture. The company is great in that sense, and I am grateful. I was reminded that the reason why I need to move from my current position is that my time is up - I have been here for four years.
That is true. My contract was for three to four years.

In fact, in all of my career, I have not done any one job for more than four years. I progressed fast. I reached a Directorship position and joined the first board at age 36. That seemed a long time ago, but I was so very proud of my achievement then, being the youngest board member. Both LiL and I were successful in our career. She a senior manager with a local conglomorate and I a director with a Multinational company.

Then we moved to Singapore when I was promoted to a Regional job - looking after the Asia region with a total of 17 countries. LiL took voluntary separation at that time to enable her to follow me to Singapore. A sacrifice on her part. Thanks sayang!
We lived for three-and-half wonderful year in Singapore.

So, to have spent four years in this job in the Middle East has been as long as I have been on any job. Why do I feel sad and unprepared this time? The answer I think is because unlike previous moves, this time I did not initiate it. I love living in Saudi and love my job more than I ever felt in the past.

"Ayah, what if you can't get a job?"
Amirul asked while we were swimming this evening.

I did not answer him. But I smiled and challenged him to a race. He was winning, but he slowed down and let me win. He is a son who does not want to see his dad beaten! Not just yet....

Nak tau ka?

"Kenapa abg id dah lama tak update blog? Ada apa2 ka yang tak kena?"
Tanya seorang teman di Yahoo Messenger.

I could not tell her the full truth - as I was still reeling from a shock and still nursing my own broken heart.
I have been and still is in dismay over a relationship that did not go as well as I was hoping and wishing for.

For the last one week, I have been praying for a better beginning and to be able to overcome the despair due to this abrupt ending.
After more than a decade together, I have grown fond and attached. To be told that I am no longer needed - was a pain of betrayal and hurt beyond my ability to see it rationally. I was emotional. Compounding the emotion is the fact that there are my loved ones involved. The thought that my children's dreams may be compromised due this broken relationship made it harder to swallow. I went through self-dialogues of why?, why me? what did I do? Why did I not see it coming?
I could not help but to reflect over what must be going through other people whose relationship are under-going a stormy patch. And I took myself to the few occassions when I was listening to friends who were seeking my advice.
Then the voices echo in my ears......they were my own voices!

I got up from my self-pity slumber and drew open the curtain of suite 842 of the Kempinski hotel - a majestic view of Burj AL Arab in the horizon reminding of strength and beauty at the same time. The busy Sheikh Zayed road below with cars whizzing by at the wee hour of the morning perked me with new optimism. I switched off the light. The contrast of the darkness within and the buzz of life on the outside - provided me with a similar situation to reflect on. Inside my heart was dark with despair and sadness while out there life is for te taking.

I shrugged off the heavy loads from my shoulder and wiped the remaining solitary tear from my cheek.
I went to the full mirror on the living room wall and looked at my self. I was looking for the sparkle of optimism which have known no fear in the past. It was still there. They were still the same eyes which were able to see silver lining in every cloud.
I felt new supply of oxygen rushing through my blood streams.
My heart was beating not with fear and anxiety but with new hope and determination to take control of my life.
I felt bigger and stronger and in that brief moment I really felt like I could fly.
I bounced back last night!

I learnt one thing - It is easier to reshape and build a new dream then to mend a broken one. Write it off and let it go!

Loses of any kind is disturbing. This time, the only thing I have lost is a job. I still have my family, my friends, and most of all - my dignity.

And a prayer sent to me by a friend from blog-land was so touching and sincere - I could only see the Angels answering with their Ameeeen......and a great beginning is on its way. It was a private prayer sent in private so I could not share publicly. InsyaAllah....

Women Rule

Women Rule!

I give up. I throw my white towel. Surrender is the word! I am starting a journey to understand women.....I shall return so please don't give up on me, as yet!

My latest reading reveals some disturbing information. At the same time, it is information which, if seen with a glass half full eyes, offers great opportunity for the more creative amongst men.

No matter how many times I review the research data, it continues to show the same conclusion.
1. 20% of working wives earn more than their husbands
2. 94% of choices for home furnishing are made by women
3. 92% of holiday destinations are decided by women
4. 89% of new bank account are at the suggestion of women
5. 88% of medical insurance are at the prompt of women
6. 65% of car buying decision are made by women, despite only 7 % of car sales person being women.

*data source – Australian research.

What is even more surprising, women buy more sports shoes and general sports wear than men. The sports-bra was first invented in 1977 with the first year sales of 25,000 units. But by year 1996, the sales were 42 million units. I wonder what the sales turnover is today. Almost every woman who jogs or walks or indulge in any sports will have at least a pair. And have you met any woman who has not expressed an intention of doing some form of exercise? The purchasing power in the hands of women, either for vanity, sanity, stupidity or for vitality – the largest economy on earth!

What can be disturbing to men are findings from further research which confirms that women are smarter than men, and women are better managers too.
Just look at Malaysian Universities, female students form more than half of the students enrolled. Deans list are dominantly females. Those who qualify on merit to pursue further studies at Doctorate level are mainly women. Imagine again all these women graduating and earning big bucks – more purchasing power in the future.

Women rules! And this is an opportunity ......
A man who understands the big differences between Men and Women and seize the opportunity to win a woman’s heart in spending her money on a product can really strike gold!

Men focus on separation - getting away from family, authority, whatever. Women focus on connection. Men focus on self, while women focus on others. Men focus on rights, and respect for others rights - women on responsibilities. Men want a transaction to take place - while women are more interested in creating a relationship. Men watch an olympic to see who the winners are - while women will want to know about the winners, how they got there and what their lives are like.

If I want to venture into business of my own – I will go into a business which focuses on women as my customers. I will love and serve them all!
If I can come up with another sports-bra like innovation……I will be a millionaire!
*Idea…idea….idea…..scratching my head*

I need big ideas! I need to understand women more!

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"iF people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done"
- Ludwig Wittgenstein.

I am out searching for more silly things to do....

a special prayer from LiL and myself for this lady.

Pause to Reflect,"You have none honey!"

A mysterious, ambitious, dotting mom and loving wife and an ever so dedicated owner of a cafe of fascinating writings and a home to a wonderful family tagged me to disclose my habits which annoy my dearest wife LiL.
She teasingly allured me with the words she used to describe me as the ' romantic Mr idham'.

I have chosen not to ask LiL for what her views were. I knew her too well and could not risk listening to her honesty - I prefered to keep my sanity and my self-esteem this time. She may have decided to go on a roll, and I would have to write a long entry indeed. Or she may have decided to be polite and kind especially knowing very well that I was undergoing some delicate period - in which case, I would came across almost too perfect to be true. I am far from perfect. An example of a perfect gentleman can be found in the form of this uncle who serenades the ladies with his fancy cars and exotic fantasies. Wow this uncle is wooing most of the ladies to his harem. hehehehe.

Now back to the present, to the subject of my flaws - my habits which annoy my dearest wife. Of course there are many, and they have changed over the years of our two decades of marriage. In the early years, my constant nudging and tickling at bed time annoyed her. Now after two decades, my lack of such interest and my preference to caress a computer keyboard instead seems to have the same effect. "It is so annoying when you seemed to be stuck to the computer chair", she once told me! So I stopped spending too much time on the computer and re-focus to tickling her ribs instead. "Stop it darling - not tonight lah......!".
But that is my point, that habits can be modified to suit who, what, when and where. If only we communicate our expectations clearly, diplomatically and emphatically.

When I stopped smoking one and half year ago, I became a habitual snacker. I snack five minutes before meals and I snack in between courses during dinner. Munch...munch..munch....I just need to nibble something! It was annoying to everyone, including myself. I snacked on raw vegetables which LiL was preparing to cook and I snacked on nuts, crackers and sweets. Then I went to a course on 'living with vitality' and re-organize my eating, exercising and resting habits. Nowadays whenever I am in Jeddah, LiL would send home cooked lunch to my office or whenever I am lucky, I sneak home for a quickie lunch. Hehehehe - not an instant noodle lunch okey!

Everyone has habits which others find annoying or unpleasant. One secret to a wonderful, blissful marriage is to be able to accept and rejoice in his or her individuality. The fact that I stand up everytime she gets up from her chair in a restaurent is a habit she loves. By the same token, the fact that I am so forgetful with my things such as car keys, sun-glasses and always ask her for help to find is a habit which would annoy most but which endears me to her and her to me. It is given that we could not choose our parents or our children, and we love them all for better or for worse. Spouses? We chose who we wanted as our beloved 'till death do us part' life's partner - so, it only seems logically that we choose to accept and enjoy each other for better or for worse too.

It is in this spirit I would like to believe what really happened when the-dotting-mom-and-loving-wife's hubby replied to her enquiry about her annoying habits, and he replied (most adoringly), "you have none, honey..", he has accepted his beloved wife as she is. And guess what, we men are capable of doing that. Hehehehe, yes - better believe this one!

Mid way through writing this I decided against my intuition, and I asked LiL if she has been annoyed by any of my habits. She laughed, then she hugged me and then she returned a question, "Abang nak tea ka?".
So, I asked her, " Eh why pulak tanya I nak tea or not?"
She replied, with a smile even sweeter than before, " Ye la...tetiba tanya tu macam nak bodek jer tu.....".
I accepted the offer for tea.
She stood behind my chair, massaging my shoulder while I completed this entry, in between typing I sipped the tea she has just made. Love is accepting what you can't change - and she knew it is hard to change my interest towards blogging for now. She has also seen how I fizzled out of a hobby such as this .....so time will come!

"Life can be a bed of rosses - if we focus on enjoying the flowers and learn to accept thorns as part of the beauty." - original quote from Mr Idham.

In closing I want to thank D for the tag. I hope I met her expectation. I open an invitation for anyone keen on disclosing their annoying habits - your participation will be applauded by D, I and others. Hey, life is so short la.....why so serious one! * I was smiling as I was typing this entry, are you smiling while reading?*