"I like myself best when I'm with you"

"I like myself best when I am talking to you".
That was what a friend I was chatting with on the YM said just before she logged off. Let us call her Az *not her real name*.
By the time I replied to tell her I was just happy to be able to listen to her predicaments in life - she was already gone.

I have known people who can brighten any room - just by leaving! These people carry a rugby ball face with them - long and sour. Sometimes, we too have been that person. Through out life, I have consciously tried to be a candle instead , the sort of person who brightens any room I walk in and lift the energy of people around me. If I feel that I can't then I'd rather not be there. I have for instance, although rarely, declined dinner invitations because I was not in the sort of emotional or physical situation ready for socializing. If I were to be there - then I want to be able to bring happiness and spread smiles around me.

Just like Az, I too look for people who make me "feel good about myself". If you feel you don't fit with a particular group or individual, then move on - there are enough people in this wide world for everyone to find sufficient number who can make you feel good.
Az, for instance, found me to be one of them for her. That is great, because I too enjoy listening and chatting with her.

When I decided to become the "I like Me Best" kind of person, I did so for my own happiness and for those around me. It of course start with my wife LiL and my children. I want them to feel "the best they can feel, when they are with me". On the family front, I think I have made some progress there.

I want to share with you some of the keys I have found helpful in becoming that "I Like Me Best" kind of person:

1. Focus on the positive
"If you can't say anything nice...don't say anything at all." I listen and refrain from trying to correct anyone. They already know what they lack, too many people - including those who love them - have been telling them their weaknesses day in and day out. Sometimes, they have forgotten their own identity because of the constant negative reminders. Instead, compliment them on their strengths. And make sure those are their genuine strength in your views.

2. Be an Optimist
Everyone likes to be around the "Realistic Optimist". The "RO" is a person who can acknowledge that everything isn't always great, but that somehow we will all make it through. Knowing that trials and setbacks are both inevitable as well as temporary makes you an asset to the people around you. An optimist turns lemon into lemonades. He creates his own rainbow....An optimist sees the good in people. To him the world is for everyone to share. Being a Realist as well, his feet are grounded on solid foundation of wisdom, experience and basic values and principles. For me, the rock of my values is my faith in God.

3. Let the child in you play....
"....rule #6, don't take yourself too seriously" I used to tell my colleagues at work. They would ask me what are the other five rules....and I said I only have rule #6. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? When was the last time you acted freely in responce to your childish insticnt and not having to worry about "what would others think?"
For example, I was most happy when I spent one day with my daughter Zety and her friends touring Northern Ireland - I was a young man all over again.
Aha, you can actually see that trip here.
I just let it be....

4. Give generously
"....to give without expecting anything in returns....that is love!"
If you want to be a "I like Me Best" person, then this is a must. Give anything - time, listening, love.....and give generously.
Be generous with PEOPLE stuff. Give a 20% tip to the waitress who served you that great meal. Give $10 to a kid who helped you find a parking spot. Give away smiles like you get paid for each one. Take someone out to lunch--TODAY. Give a game to your youngest child - play with him and showed that you too are enjoying the game. Give forgiveness ....Give and thou shall receive!

5. Live in the Present.
If you have not read this small book, please buy one and read. You can finish it in less than an hour - but your perspective about life will change for ever. Let the past be a source of your wisdom, live the present and help create the future. Most of us make the mistake of being stuck in the past - that we punish those around us today, in the present. Let the past go....Enjoy the present....and take control of the future.

6. Love Deeply
This is the most important tip for happiness.
Sure, you love your spouse, you love your kids. But what about the people you work with? What about your neighbors, or your fellow bloggers? If you love deeply I will guarantee you a couple things: You will be disappointed and hurt, but you will ALSO find happiness from some people who will deeply love you back. Trust me, it's worth it. I use the word LOVE in a broader sense - and not limiting to romantic love. And ... for those who know me, you have probably noticed that I do walk with my heart on my sleeves. In the process, I have been both bruised and praised. But either way, it helps me find my "I like me best" person and friends.

Being a realist, and also since I am not running for an election - I also know that I am not able to please everyone. Neither do I try to. The trick is - to be able to say to yourself, that it is ok if that so and so does not like you. Feel good about yourself that you do not need approvals from anyone else to validate your being. The only two approval that matter are; One is from your inner conscience and the other, the ultimate approval from Him.

And for Az, thanks for that last sentence on the YM just before you logged off.

The starting point to loving and giving is - to feel good about oneself !

Say it to yourself in the mirror every morning, with a smile, a grin even,

"I feel Good to be Myself. I like me best for who I am"