For God's sake, be nice!

The horizon turned amber and the reflection in the Red Sea was fabulously enchanting. The invitees turned silent to respect the call for Maghrib prayer from nearby mosques. The ceremony began. The bride and groom walked hand in hand - making a grand entrance. We were at a private club on the Corniche in Jeddah witnessing a wedding ceremony of a Lebanese couple.

The bride and groom took turn to recite their wedding vows - to love, honor, and cherish. That was the keynote of the evening wedding reception for their close relatives and friends. What an incredible promise!

I looked around, observing faces. The ladies were mostly smiling with a kind of dreamy look on their faces. A re-play of their own wedding could not be far from their mind. And single girls were giggling and stealing glances with bachelor boys. Men were whispering to each other.
I overheard one guy with balding patch was saying, "I bet the guy does not know what he is getting into by saying those vows". Of course meant as a joke, but was he? Married men tend to be cynical about the purer than pure kind of wedding vows. Most are living with guilt of having broken theirs.
"Yea....when he said - I'll love you, he should add as long as you behave in a loveable manner. Really I think he should or else he will live to regret". Said the other man, who from his pot belly I guess has been married for a good number of years himself. And the balding guy added with glee, "And when he said - I'll cherish you, really should add - as long as I feel the love for you and whenever we are together".

How about this dialogue below? I am sure you have heard them before, not in your own home *roll eyes*, but you must have heard that it happens in someone else's home, right? To think that sometimes not in the distant past the husband and wife have each vowed to love, honour and cherish each other - till death do they part?!!

Husband : What do you mean I don't love you?
Wife : You never appreciate me, never say you love me.
Husband : But you know I love you. I come home everyday don't I?
Wife : Yea right, and spend time reading newspaper and watching TV and surfing internet. Just as well you are not at home.
Husband : Ok if you wish - I am going out right now and don't blame me for it.
Wife : I am right you don't love me.
Husband : Whatever!

"If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly and sour at home, then go out on the street and start grinning 'good morning' to total strangers"
- Maya Angelou.

I have read many books and watched numerous movies on the subject
- Of trust and betrayal
- Of marriages and divorces.
- Of loving one day and screaming murder the next.
And I have come to accept that the above do happen and there is little wisdom in trying to deny the possibility of it happening to someone I know or even to myself.

But I know also that it is simply civilized and dignified to maintain self-respect and to maintain respect for the person whom we have once promised to love, honour and cherish. For God's sake - be and stay nice to each other!

I am often asked this question, " Is it better to stay in a unhappy marriage , or is it better to go separate ways and hopefully one can find happiness else where?"

And I often answer, "If by staying together, you are really affecting the well being of your children, then go seperate ways - for the others do not deserve to be affected by your self-indulgence. But if by going seperate ways, you make your children more unhappy - then try to work it out. But stay nice to each other".

You may be able to deduce from above, that my answer to couples without children is "You only have yourself to answer to, so be true to yourself".

Dear readers, I am asking you to generate some ideas for all of us to have a renewal in our relationship. You can contribute by completing this statement in your comments.

"I really feel that I am loved when my partner.........................................................................."

Your answer may help us to really understand more about what we need to do in order to fullfill our promise, To Love till death shall we part.

"Words are empty sometimes but how it is said transcends into the soul and leaves a certain feeling" - owner of the the curve.