"I like myself best when I'm with you"

"I like myself best when I am talking to you".
That was what a friend I was chatting with on the YM said just before she logged off. Let us call her Az *not her real name*.
By the time I replied to tell her I was just happy to be able to listen to her predicaments in life - she was already gone.

I have known people who can brighten any room - just by leaving! These people carry a rugby ball face with them - long and sour. Sometimes, we too have been that person. Through out life, I have consciously tried to be a candle instead , the sort of person who brightens any room I walk in and lift the energy of people around me. If I feel that I can't then I'd rather not be there. I have for instance, although rarely, declined dinner invitations because I was not in the sort of emotional or physical situation ready for socializing. If I were to be there - then I want to be able to bring happiness and spread smiles around me.

Just like Az, I too look for people who make me "feel good about myself". If you feel you don't fit with a particular group or individual, then move on - there are enough people in this wide world for everyone to find sufficient number who can make you feel good.
Az, for instance, found me to be one of them for her. That is great, because I too enjoy listening and chatting with her.

When I decided to become the "I like Me Best" kind of person, I did so for my own happiness and for those around me. It of course start with my wife LiL and my children. I want them to feel "the best they can feel, when they are with me". On the family front, I think I have made some progress there.

I want to share with you some of the keys I have found helpful in becoming that "I Like Me Best" kind of person:

1. Focus on the positive
"If you can't say anything nice...don't say anything at all." I listen and refrain from trying to correct anyone. They already know what they lack, too many people - including those who love them - have been telling them their weaknesses day in and day out. Sometimes, they have forgotten their own identity because of the constant negative reminders. Instead, compliment them on their strengths. And make sure those are their genuine strength in your views.

2. Be an Optimist
Everyone likes to be around the "Realistic Optimist". The "RO" is a person who can acknowledge that everything isn't always great, but that somehow we will all make it through. Knowing that trials and setbacks are both inevitable as well as temporary makes you an asset to the people around you. An optimist turns lemon into lemonades. He creates his own rainbow....An optimist sees the good in people. To him the world is for everyone to share. Being a Realist as well, his feet are grounded on solid foundation of wisdom, experience and basic values and principles. For me, the rock of my values is my faith in God.

3. Let the child in you play....
"....rule #6, don't take yourself too seriously" I used to tell my colleagues at work. They would ask me what are the other five rules....and I said I only have rule #6. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? When was the last time you acted freely in responce to your childish insticnt and not having to worry about "what would others think?"
For example, I was most happy when I spent one day with my daughter Zety and her friends touring Northern Ireland - I was a young man all over again.
Aha, you can actually see that trip here.
I just let it be....

4. Give generously
"....to give without expecting anything in returns....that is love!"
If you want to be a "I like Me Best" person, then this is a must. Give anything - time, listening, love.....and give generously.
Be generous with PEOPLE stuff. Give a 20% tip to the waitress who served you that great meal. Give $10 to a kid who helped you find a parking spot. Give away smiles like you get paid for each one. Take someone out to lunch--TODAY. Give a game to your youngest child - play with him and showed that you too are enjoying the game. Give forgiveness ....Give and thou shall receive!

5. Live in the Present.
If you have not read this small book, please buy one and read. You can finish it in less than an hour - but your perspective about life will change for ever. Let the past be a source of your wisdom, live the present and help create the future. Most of us make the mistake of being stuck in the past - that we punish those around us today, in the present. Let the past go....Enjoy the present....and take control of the future.

6. Love Deeply
This is the most important tip for happiness.
Sure, you love your spouse, you love your kids. But what about the people you work with? What about your neighbors, or your fellow bloggers? If you love deeply I will guarantee you a couple things: You will be disappointed and hurt, but you will ALSO find happiness from some people who will deeply love you back. Trust me, it's worth it. I use the word LOVE in a broader sense - and not limiting to romantic love. And ... for those who know me, you have probably noticed that I do walk with my heart on my sleeves. In the process, I have been both bruised and praised. But either way, it helps me find my "I like me best" person and friends.

Being a realist, and also since I am not running for an election - I also know that I am not able to please everyone. Neither do I try to. The trick is - to be able to say to yourself, that it is ok if that so and so does not like you. Feel good about yourself that you do not need approvals from anyone else to validate your being. The only two approval that matter are; One is from your inner conscience and the other, the ultimate approval from Him.

And for Az, thanks for that last sentence on the YM just before you logged off.

The starting point to loving and giving is - to feel good about oneself !

Say it to yourself in the mirror every morning, with a smile, a grin even,

"I feel Good to be Myself. I like me best for who I am"

A do nothing Thursday morning ...

Idols and a book.
American Idol was on TV - and we gathered in the living room waiting for the result to be announced. Not really a surprise since the internet already mentioned that Sanjaya the wonderboy was voted out.
Both LiL and I were still in our gym attire, having just came back from the gym for a work-out. I clocked 5km on the threadmill - walking at an average of 5.6km/hour, and reading John Grisham's "The BROKER" at the same time.
So to chill in front of the TV with the boys, watching Ryan Seacrest trying hard to take some mickey our of Simon Cowell was a joy. And, ah...tears from Sanjaya was heartfelt, but that guy Simon was grinning devilishly from ear to ear.

When love is about some Grey Hairs.....
I was reading the novel on the sofa when I felt LiL lifted my head and rested it on her lap. She kissed my forehead then started pulling my grey hairs. One by one, patiently and lovingly. I like having my grey hairs pulled - they also happened to be my 'gatal' hair.

I moved to chapter 9, and she was still at it. Then I saw flash from a camera - Luqman thought it was cute to capture the moments on record.
On a do nothing Thursday morning, pulling grey hairs is an event. And I like and love it !

Lunch followed. It was a simple lunch of white rice, lots of ulam and salad, fried ikan masin and steam pomfret - very nice indeed when had with your love ones.
This is a page from a simple life of an expat in Jeddah. This afternoon, after Asar prayer we plan to go to the supermarket for our weekly grocery shopping. Tonight we have a dinner invitation from a family friend. After dinner, we may just drive over to the sea front to have hot tea by the sea, listening to the waves and enjoying fresh Red Sea breeze.

Kittens without their mother
As I am typing this entry, LiL is busy mending to the kittens. Their mom, "Danya" went missing a few days ago after she sneaked out of the back door during one of the nights. She has not come back since - the kittens although old enough to feed on their own, are missing the mother's affection. Last night, when I curled up on the sofa reading the novel - three of them came over to share my body heat. There were sadness in their eyes. All I could do was stroke their furs.

This kitten has one blue and one green eyes. Hidung dia comot sebab he dived into a bowl of chocolate milk.

Kelantan - An unwilling bride.

The Serambi Mekah state of Malaysia, also known as negeri cik Siti Wan Kembang - two names for two different personalities. The former relates to the states reputation as being more Islamic than others in Malaysia - where 4-D outlets are not permitted to operate legally, massage parlors are banned but massage are not and stout and Heineken are served hideously in coffee mugs.
The later of course refers to the beauty of ladies there, and more generally the artistic and kesenian Kelantanese - after all 'orang luar' who come to kelantan are feared by their wives or moms that they will marry a Cik Siti Wan Kembang.

But the above two are not the only two personalities of Kelantan. Kelantanese men are also known to be the Casanova’s of the Malay race - reputed to be able to sweet talk an ustazah of lesser resolve out of their purdah. As a Kelantanese myself, I'll say that reputation as overly being generalized. Not all Kelantan men are born with sugar-factories on their lips. It is not the sweet talk which wins the heart of most women, but rather chivalry and charm which seems to come more naturally to a man from kelantan than his peers from other states.
MyW *My Wife* whom I met during college days declared openly and firmly when she sensed that I was trying to be more than a good friend with her, "I will not marry a man from Kelantan, they are Romeos".
But she was not adequately informed about other characteristics of a Kelantan man - and that is
they are enterprising, funny, good natured, cool, and warm with people especially of opposite gender. Without realizing, she fell in love with these traits and still is much in love with the man she epitomizes as 'a perfect example of someone she'll not marry'.

When I was in boarding school where boys *the clever ones* from all states came together, the Kelantan boys tend to be more into each other, kept together and known to others as 'gedebe'.
Gedebe is a trait of Kelantan men I am kind of proud of. It is a combination of pride, daring, come-what-may kind of attitude. If you ask me what makes Kelantan people enterprising, I'll say it is because they are 'gedebe'. That is of course if you agree that there are high percentage of Kelantan people who have made good in the corporate and business world.

Females in Kelantan play major roles in family matters - emotionally and financially. The Pasar Besar Siti Khadijah *corrected, tq Ray - smile -* in Kota Baru is made up of 80 percent female traders, unique with their polite banters and smiling assertiveness. At home, the women folks play major roles as the family planners cum organizers, decision makers *although they are smart enough to let the dads think they decide*, and social net workers. I am generalizing of course, but try to observe any Kelantan neighbors or relatives you have - the wives rule!

There is also a popular belief that if a man from other states were to go to work in Kelantan, he will ends up marrying a local girl. This is true, and there are reasons. For one, Kelantanese woman are more open to polygamy, as long as they are the ones who win someone else's husbands. Teasing, flirting, and winning a man's heart is considered victorious and appeal to the Juliets in Kelantan. And 'orang luar' is looked at with awe and admiration, and immediately assumed to be wealthy.
For another, 'orang luar' fall for the sweet, gentle, shy demeanor of most Kelantan girls. In talking, a Kelantan girl will talk ever so sweetly almost in whispers and will never use vulgar words. They are experts at flirting, having watched how their daddies, uncles and aunties practice those banters at Kenduri and social gathering.
And, yes - they are beautiful too.

'Family ties' are considered very important by most Kelantanese. They treat their parents with full respect, love and admiration. Make a mistake of showing disrespect to your Kelantan in-laws, and you will get very quick reaction and retaliation from your spouse.

The roads, rails and flights are extremely busy during Hari Raya breaks - anak2 Kelantan balek kampung in a huge way! In front of every houses, even in kampung it is common to see one or two cars with *number plate luar* parked. It is not uncommon to see TV antenna on almost every houses nowadays - "anak bui" would be a modest but proud answer from parents when complimented about the nice and big TV in the ruang tamu - The center piece during hari raya gatherings.

Kelantan is an unwilling bride.
This Serambi Mekah state is under the ruling of PAS....and in my view will continue to be for a while. To win, UMNO need to change their approach : From confronting to courting, from putting PAS down to praising, from with-holding funds and development to be even more proactive in developing the state. Play to their 'gedebe' personality rather than against it.

Turning 50!

This year, Malaysia will be turning fifty! In August, the nation will be celebrating her fiftieth year as a sovereign independent nation. Her flag flying majestically, her national anthem echoed in the air, and her history continued to be made with each passing year. I am proud to be Malaysian!

What is our expectation from our nation on her fiftieth birthday? Has she delivered well? Has she made us proud....? Or have we purposely ignored to ask ourselves, what have we done to make our nation proud?

If I were a doctor doing physical examinations on Malaysia - my report will say;
-this is a nation suffering from poor vision, hard of hearing which supports the observable symptons of not listening well, lacking energy and stamina and having too many parasites sucking the life out of her.

But I am not a doctor. I am simply a citizen concerned with changes in her. Gone are her zest for successes, instead she is turning into a sleepy head. I worry for her future and the future she brings to my children and grandchildren.

When I was a young boy, Malaysia was a young nation itself. As a young boy, I was full of optimism and aspirations. Malaysia was too. The late Tunku was one leader with abundance and overflow of confidence. I was in school absorbing new knowledge and keen to learn with a mind so open you could see only white space and not so much grey matters - something you may say still is the case with my mind today.
I grew up loving my country Malaysia, which at the time was no further than the little village weekly market place. That was where all the happening was - every Sunday when my Mak, Sisters and I used to walk the 2 miles gravel road to sell our produce and to buy, in exchange some of the niceties such as fresh sardines and yellow fins, sugar and condensed milk.
Malaysia was simple, honest, and in a positive way naive and so was I.

Lately, perhaps feeling lethargic with age or feeling aged with too much stress of living and competing - Malaysia and I are like two best friends going with the flow and not exactly seeing eye to eye with each other.
I have turned into a conceited, matured and weather beaten man while Malaysia in what is supposed to be at a prime age of 50, already showing signs of fatigue, lacking confidence and lost of direction. Definitely being overtaken by its neighbours in the like of seductive Thailand, big brother Indonesia, and even fast growing Vietnam in courting the rich and famous from abroad to come and invest. I worry for my friend Malaysia more than I worry for myself.

I have been away working abroad as an expat for the last eight years. That is soon coming to an end. Today, I had a phone conversation with a someone in Kuala Lumpur exploring possibilities of joining one of the public listed blue chip as one of their senior leadership team members.
The thought of returning home - brought fresh hopes and aspirations. I hope Malaysia too, is keen to welcome me back.

Malaysia - I will definitely will be celebrating your Golden Anniversary and Birthday!

A Wounded Lion.

(Bapak Vision 2020, this is the way I see it...)

Limping, finding solace under a shade

a lion's roar unheard, he was wounded

not by bullets into his skin

no arrows penetrated his veins

he was simply hurt by silence

of mates keeping their distance

he was lost in a hunting game

put down by blames

lamed into shame.

A wounded lion

remained a lion by name

and retained his lion's pride

in his dreams -

with his shoulder pulled back

head held high

he stood taller than all in the pack

he reigned majestically, with fire in his eyes.

But alas, even gazele came teasing

for a lion which lied there bleeding

was no more a lion king

and no one cared, if he was dying.

dubai.apr17th

Alone

when alone

I think of home.

while alone

I recall moments which have been gone.

Sometimes, I want to be alone

having conversation in silence

listening to myself

in complete darkness

I see clear path to our happy moments

surrounded by you and our treasures

voices - singing and laughing

and I often smile alone

just thinking of home.

bilek 527. sofitel.dubai